Gaaaaarghhh!!!!!

There’s so many people I hear about and I think “oh my god, we’d be sound friends” but I just can’t talk to them cause some friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend who’s friends with them doesn’t like me or something retarded. Its almost like we can’t make choices for ourselves when it comes to choosing friends because you don’t want to be “dodgy”. Please someone make my day and drop me an ask, I want a new, quirky as fuck mate.

I know what I want to do with my future and I have done for a while, and I know I can get there. I have the opportunity to work in Butlins in February and I so badly want to take it. My mum and dad met there when they both worked there; it’s the closest equivalent I can get to uni; I’ll be able to have my own shally and move out with some randomer and have to fend for myself.. it will be like a mini jump for me into the adult world and I really think it will benefit me when it comes to not having my mother around all the time, working hard shifts and helping me understand and meet complete strangers. I don’t want to leave YOU behind, I really don’t. But I can’t stay in Stockton for another year, what am I going to be doing? Working in a scruffy soft play centre for another year? Or working in a shitty cafe? Let’s face it, what opportunities does Stockton hold for me? I have the chance to GET AWAY and try start something with my life, even if it is something this daft.

I really fucking appreciate you, you know. Elly Latif, I know I may not show it, but you are my best friend because you are my fucking safety net for everything and you’re always there for me (even when you don’t want to be) and I really love you for that. Thank you.

I feel like I’m fading out. No-one knows me anymore - not saying I thrive for  popularity, but it’s nice to be known. I wonder if this is just what happens when you get older and break off from college/school. I’ve never been a person to have a massive friendship group but I am feeling pretty lonely because I feel like I’ve jumped too far from when I left school. Everyone is in college with everyone they know.. and I’m not.

I know this means nothing to anyone, but writing things down feels like closure for me. Maybe I can have a good night’s sleep after writing this down because now it’s no longer in my head.